September 8, 2004

  • Entourage 


    Do you think it's true that we're defined by the company we keep?  In other words, do you share similar characteristics and personality traits as your friends?


    Have you ever had someone of the opposite sex ask you to hook you up with a friend of yours?  Here's my theory on the difference between guys and girls when making such a request...


    GIRLS: When a girl asks a guy to hook them up, it's because the guy has qualities that are desirable but for whatever reason, he's unavailable.  She thinks that maybe the guy will have a friend that's comparable in personality and sometimes even looks.  That's why girls are selective in which guys they ask for hookups.  In addition to hoping for someone comparable, they think highly enough of the guy they're asking to trust his judgment in the selection.  You don't see single girls just going around asking every guy they know to hook them up do you?


    GUYS: When a guy asks a girl to hook them up, it's because the guy wants some ass.  The only reason why the guy isn't pursuing the girl he's asking is because either he doesn't find her attractive or she has a boyfriend, although usually it's the former.  A guy doesn't look at the girl he's asking and wonders to himself..."Wow! She's such a great girl! Maybe she has friends that are just as great!" 


    Instead, a prerequisite is thrown into the question for good measure..."Do you have any CUTE friends you can hook me up with?" 


    In conclusion, us guys are shallow bastards! hehe



    EDIT:  For the girls that disagreed about being defined by your friends, let me ask you this.  If you saw a guy hanging out with a bunch of known players/dogs, would you assume the guy was one too? If you said no, you're lying!  Guilty by association.

September 3, 2004

  • Dealing with Breakups


    How do you deal with breaking up in a relationship? 


    I know one's reaction to a breakup first depends on whether the person was the dumper or the dumpee, or perhaps it was mutual.  I think guys and girls definitely respond differently to breakups and typically go through the following process:


    Girls (after being dumped):
    - will cry
    - look for a shoulder to cry on (be careful of which shoulder you pick-->happy_toki's entry)
    - get pissed
    (Optional: Go out clubbing/drinking with girlfriends - maybe even go as far as hooking up with a random guy)
    - get depressed and cry again
    - eat like a fat person at an all you can eat buffet


    Girls (after dumping someone):
    - feel relieved
    - find something to focus their energy on (studying, work, hobby, etc.)
    - complain that there are no good guys out there


    _______________________________________________


    Guys (after being dumped):
    - get depressed, maybe even cry
    - go out clubbing/drinking with guyfriends - LOOK to hook up with a random girl (pressured by friends)
    - get pissed
    - go out clubbing/drinking with guyfriends looking to hook up some more


    Guys (after dumping girl):
    - go out clubbing/drinking with guyfriends - possibly looking to hook up with a random girl
    - reconsiders getting back together with ex
    - decides not to get back together
    - go out clubbing/drinking with guyfriends - looking to hook up with a random girl
    - complain that girls don't go for "nice" guys


    NOTE:  This topic was brought about by request from a reader and does not apply to anything going on in my own life.


September 2, 2004

  • Rock the Vote? 


    Living in NYC (a predominantly Democratic city), I've observed everyone and their mothers bashing Bush (citing movies like Fahrenheit 9/11) and have read entries on Xanga expressing the same.  Now I'm no Bush-lover myself, but I'm curious to know if all the people out there bitching about him are actually going to vote this coming November?


    It seems to me that many people are simply jumping on the anti-Bush bandwagon and demanding his removal from office because it's the hip thing to do.  Do you even KNOW what Bush's policies are or how they differ from Kerry's?


    With the RNC in town this week, there have been throngs of protestors from around the country here as well.  Now I can respect anyone's right to free speech but when you start fucking up traffic (lying in the streets), tying up police resources to keep your stupid asses in check (1700+ arrests so far), wasting our courts' time because you want to protest in Central Park instead of the West Side highway (which is actually closer btw to Madison Square Garden - the location of the RNC), I think you're doing WORSE for your cause than helping it.


    Can you imagine with the sheer amount of people gathered in midtown this week, if there was a terrorist attack here? (e.g. suicide bomber) 


    What would the protestors say in response?  Would there stance against war still be the same? 


    Mind you, as much as there are people protesting the war in Iraq due to the questionable reasons we're there in the first place, there are many protestors out there who are simply against war period (regardless of the cause). 


    So please do me a favor...if you don't plan on voting this November or anything else active to support your stance against Bush, shut the fuck up already.


    EDIT: Perhaps I didn't express myself clearly. I can respect a person's right to gather and exercise their freedom of speech in protest and I'm sure many of the protestors out there WILL probably vote.  My gripe is with the bandwagon protestors, whether it be those who hide behind their computer screens or those that go as far as creating havoc that aren't really doing anything positive for their cause.

September 1, 2004

  • How to deal with Telemarketers...


    How do you deal with telemarketers?  I'm sure everyone remembers the following Seinfeld bit:


    Telemarketer: Hi. Would you be interested in switching over to TMI Long Distance service?


    Seinfeld: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later.


    Telemarketer: Uh, sorry, we're not allowed to do that.


    Seinfeld: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.


    Telemarketer: No.


    Seinfeld: Well, now you know how I feel. *click*


    _______________________________________________


    Here are some examples:


    Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?


    You: The what?

    Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?

    You: The what?

    Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?

    You: The what?

    Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?

    You: The what?

    Telemarketer: Nevermind...[click]

    _______________________________________________

    Telemarketer: Hello, this is Time Warner cable...blah, blah, blah,

    You: (pulls phone away from mouth) GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE, FAGGOT!


    You: (screaming in high pitched voice while holding phone behind back) NO DADDY!! NO!


    You: (to telemarketer) Hold on a fuckin second. I need to discipline my kid.


    You: (walk away and bash some shit while screaming like a child in pain)


    You: hello? hello? *dial tone*


    ________________________________________________


    *make sure you have a cap gun handy*


    Telemarketer: Hello, this is .......calling on behalf of blah blah .......


    You: *whispering* Wait a sec.......... oh shit, they found out where I live! Fuck, fuck, fuck! *fires off cap gun a few times*


    Then drop the phone on the floor and make noise in the background for the extra effect.


    ________________________________________________


    Telemarketer: Hi, we would like to interest you in ...


    You: ok, before you start I want you to listen to something **hang up phone**


    ________________________________________________


    Telemarketer: Hi, we would like to interest you in ...


    You: could you hold on a second?


    Telemarketer: Sure,


    **put phone down and go back to what you were doing**


    ________________________________________________

    **pick up the phone without saying anything**


    Telemarketer: uhhh hello?


    You: **start breathing heavily, or if you are eating chew into the phone--wait until they hang up first**


    ________________________________________________


    Telemarketer: Hi, we would like to interest you in ...


    You: **Belch or fart as loud as you can into the phone--hang up**


    ________________________________________________


    Telemarketer: Hi! blah blah blah


    You: WAIT! Hold on sec....can you hear that?

    Telemarketer: Excuse me sir?

    You: SHHH! Listen!

    *wait till it gets reeeeeeally quiet*

    You (at the top of your lungs): PUT ME ON YOUR DO NOT CALL LIST!!


    ________________________________________________


    Telemarketer trying to offer a credit card:


    You: Can I make illegal purchases with it?


    Telemarketer: Umm...no.


    You: Can I buy large amounts of drugs with it?


    Telemarketer: Ummm.....no?


    You: Can I use it to pay for prostitutes?


    Telemarketer: Ummmmmmmm...


    You: Well then that card is just no good.


    ________________________________________________


    So do you guys have any funny responses to telemarketers?

August 30, 2004

  • Legalize it?


    If you could legalize and outlaw 3 things each, what would they be and why?


    Legalize:



    • Marijuana - whether you smoke marijuana or not, can you give me one legitimate reason why it's illegal while alcohol and cigarettes aren't?  The billions of dollars a year spent on the "war on drugs" could better be spent on other more important issues in this country like healthcare and education.  Consider how overcrowded our prisons are and ask yourself if it's efficient or even fair to have some people serving longer sentences for marijuana possession than some rapists/murderers.  Not to mention, the medicinal benefits or marijuana.  I think everyone should read this. <---- It's pretty compelling.  I think marijuana should be legalized and taxed by the government.  It would free up the prisons, reduce the crime related to smuggling/dealing and generate revenue for the people.

     



    • Prostitution - The laws outlawing prostitution are obviously based on morality, but does that argument even hold in today's society?  Women sleep with men for a lot less than money (sluts) and some sleep with them for other material possessions (gold diggers).  Personally, I think if you legalized prostitution and regulated it with mandatory testing, it would make it safer for both the prostitutes and their johns.  Isn't it ironic that pornography is legal but prostitution isn't simply because of how it's labeled?

     



    • Smoking in Private Establishments - Now I can totally understand and accept the no smoking ban in all public buildings (libraries, museums, government buildings, etc.) but I think the owner of a private business should be able to do what he wants with his place.  The argument using employee's rights to free air is bullshit if you ask me.  If you're applying for a job working as a bartender, wouldn't it be assumed that you'd be exposed to smoke?  The argument that a non-smoker should be free to go where he pleases without being exposed to smoke is bullshit too.  Let's say there's a nice restaurant with a smoking section.  If the smoke bothers you, you have the CHOICE of not going there.  Just like if the food sucks, you don't have to go there.  Would you demand that the quality of food be changed at a certain restaurant because you didn't like it?  Now I'm not saying that people should be able to smoke freely when inside a private establishment, but at least allow the owners to maintain a smoking section of some sort.  And the smoking ban shouldn't be a blanket policy either.  I think smoking is expected when it comes to places such as bars and clubs.

    Outlaw:



    • Children - Although there would be no way to implement this in this country, I think there should be some way to regulate child birth in this country, kinda like China.  There are too many people in this country who are unfit to be parents.  Children having children, women having additional children to receive more welfare benefits...it only perpetuates the cycle of poverty and ghetto-ness for them and their children.  Then there are the numerous parents who do absolutely ZERO as far as parenting goes.  They let their kids go runamuck without any supervision or education.  It's pretty sad when children are now being tried as adults due to the severity and heinousness of their crimes.

     



    • Welfare - The way the welfare system works now, people can receive benefits indefinitely, with an added incentive to receive more benefits depending on the number of children you have.  I think there should be a time limit of how long you can receive benefits which would force lazy asses to go out and work, kinda the way unemployment works.  The welfare system is supposed to assist you in getting back on your feet if some unforeseen circumstance occurs, NOT to support your sorry ass and your 10 children on tax payer's money indefinitely.

     



    • Drivers' License Mandatory Retesting - I think when people hit a certain age, let's say 65, it should be mandatory that they retake their driving test.  I've read stories of accidents that have occured involving senior citizens which I think were totally avoidable.  Let's face it, as you get older, your reflexes are slower, your eyesight is poorer, and your memory isn't what it used to be.  If there's a minimum age to get a driver's license for teenagers (16-18 depending on state) on the premise that they're not mature enough to drive, why shouldn't there be a retest of people 65 and older to ensure their safety and the safety of other motorists?  If you can enjoy the benefits of retiring at 65, then the least you can do is make sure you can drive properly with all that free time on your hands.

    _______________________________________________


    P.S. Please wish pc1004rn a Happy Birthday today!  

August 27, 2004

  • Sex and the City


    Sue_shi wrote an entry last week asking whether you tell the truth or not when asked how many partners you've had.  Supposedly, there's a "Rule of 3" (as referred to in American Pie) where you subtract 3 from the number given by a guy (since they tend to inflate the number) and add 3 to the number given by a girl (since they tend to lie and downgrade the number). 


    The rationale behind this is that guys want to come off more manly and experienced whereas girls want to minimize giving off the impression that they're easy or a slut.  When the "Rule of 3" is put into effect, it typically occurs during a conversation of opposite sexes, which is understandable I guess since you want to portray a certain image during the courting/flirting process. 


    Im curious though...assuming both guys AND girls lie about their numbers, do they lie when talking to the SAME sex too?


    My guess is that guys will typically tell the truth when talking to other guys, but girls will ALWAYS lie regardless of the other party's gender.  Some girls even go as far as claiming they're virgins when they're really not.   


    Why do I think girls lie so much?  It's because of the competitive nature they have against each other.  From makeup to carrying around designer handbags to the outfits they wear, it's all a competition.  They look at other girls and want to be perceived better than them.  A girl can be the biggest slut in the world but she'll never admit it, not even to her girlfriends out of fear she'll be looked at in a condescending manner or worse yet, that word gets out of her promiscuity.


    1) When someone of the opposite sex asks you about your #, do you tell the truth?


    2) When someone of the same sex asks you about your #, do you tell the truth? (I don't think guys even ASK each other such a stupid question.)



    On the topic of sex, It's been my observation that people in LA seem to be a lot more sexually active/promiscuous than here in NY.  If I had to guess the approximate # of partners..



    • NY guys - around 10
    • NY girls - under 6
    • LA guys - over 20
    • LA girls - over 6

    I'd ask you to state your location and the # to see how it fits in my guesstimate but I already know everyone would lie anyways so why not state whether you think it's accurate or not.


    The reasoning behind my guesses is that I think NY people tend to be more relationship oriented and casual sex/dating isn't as prevalent as it is in LA.  Plus, NY girls seem to think more highly of themselves and make the guys work harder for it.


    EDIT: Before a bunch of you get your panties in a bunch, the above guesstimate wasn't a diss on NY or LA girls, but merely an observation.  The number of partners one's had isn't necessarily reflective of that person's character.

  • I'm bored and have nothing to write about...anyone have a topic they want to debate about or just discuss?


    If you want to participate in a discussion about "God" being in the pledge of allegiance and on U.S. currency, go here.


    Just keep in mind...I'm right and you're wrong! hehe


    EDIT:  Ok if you guys don't want to have a discussion or debate, give me a topic that you'd like me to write about. No obscure topics please.

August 26, 2004


  • *Rap Lyrics Translated*


     


    This paper was turned in by an Oakland High school student who received the highest honors at the school district’s Ebonics translation competition.



     



    Assignment: Please translate the following Rap song lyrics from Ebonics to standard English.



    Artist: Notorious B.I.G.



    Album: Ready to Die



    Song: One more chance (remix)


     






     



     



    Lyrics:



    First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys



    Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin’ money



    Those the ones I like ‘cause they don’t get nathan’



    But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation



    Garbage, I turn like doorknobs



    Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever



    However, I stay coochied down to the socks



    Rings and watch filled with rocks



     



    TRANSLATION:



    As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi



    Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee



    As I lay down laws like I lay carpet



    Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit



     



    TRANSLATION:



    I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    Don’t see my ones, don’t see my guns - get it



    Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it



    In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia



    I don’t know what the hell’s stoppin’ ya



    I’m clockin’ ya - Versace shades watchin’ ya



    Once ya grin, I’m in game, begin



     



    TRANSLATION:



    Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. I’m having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    First I talk about how I dress and this



    And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses



    The sex is just immaculate from the back I get



    Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the



    Climax that your man can’t make



    Call and tell him you’ll be home real late



    Let’s sing the break



     



    TRANSLATION:



    I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn’t be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won’t be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    She’s sick of that song on how it’s so long



    Thought he worked his until I handled my biz



    There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans



    Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan



    Schemin’ - don’t bring your girl ‘round me



    True player for real, ask Puff Daddy



     



    TRANSLATION:



    Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    You - ringin’ bells with bags from Chanel



    Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel



    Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell



    She beeped me, meet me at twelve



     



    TRANSLATION:



    Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    Where you at? Flippin’ jobs, playin’ car notes?



    While I’m swimmin’ in ya women like the breast stroke



    Right stroke, left stroke what’s the best stroke



    Death stroke - tongue all down her throat



    Nuthin’ left to do but send her home to you



    I’m through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?



     



    TRANSLATION:



    You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a need for her presence.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    So, what’s it gonna be? Him or me?



    We can cruise the world with pearls



    Gator boots for girls



    The envy of all women, crushed linen



    Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in ‘em



    The finest women I love with a passion



    Ya man’s a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin’



     



    TRANSLATION:



    The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.



     



     



    Lyrics:



    High fashion - flyin’ into all states.



    Sexin’ me while your man masturbates.



    Isn’t this great? Your flight leaves at eight.



    Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.



    Lyrically I’m supposed to represent.



    I’m not only the client, I’m the player president



     



    TRANSLATION:



    You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life! I’ll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o’clock flight. The timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o’clock. I’ll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind.

  • When do you think we'll have a black/female/gay/atheist president?


    When do you think we'll have a president of the U.S. that has one of the following classifications, if at all?



    • Black
    • Female
    • Gay
    • Atheist

    Rank the classification in the order in which you think it will happen (1= happens first) and maybe add a guess as to when you could foresee it happening.



    1. Woman president (2012) I think Hillary Clinton might have a shot.
    2. Atheist president (2020+) With the growing trend away from religion and the demand for separation of church and state, it's definitely possible I think.
    3. Black president (2028+...or never) We all know there will NEVER be an Asian U.S. president.  
    4. Gay president (3000+....never)

August 25, 2004

  • Things you thought were true but aren't?


    What are some things you thought were true but aren't?  This can include revelations from childhood or even something recent.



    • I used to believe in Santa Claus when I was little.  Like most parents, my mom used to tell me that if I wasn't good, I'd get no presents.  Well one Christmas eve, I cleaned my room and did all the chores my mom told me to (redemption on the last night...hehe).  Somehow I thought that my last minute deeds would guarantee me some presents from Santa.  It didn't occur to me at the time where the hell Santa would park his sleigh and reindeer considering we lived on the 6th floor of an apartment building.  I figured he'd "park" outside and come through the balcony or something.  Well, despite my determination to wait for Santa to get my presents, I fell asleep in the livingroom and woke up to...NOTHING!   I guess it was my mom's way of letting me know that I was too old to believe in Santa anymore.  Santa that fat bastard!



    • Something more recent...I used to believe that people were inherently good but as I've gotten older and become more aware of what's going on around me, I'm starting to question that.  The general trend in society is for people to look out for themselves.  People look for anything they to sue over as personal accountability seems to no longer exist.  Society is growing further away from religion and there seems to be a decline in morality.  How often do you see people doing things out of the kindness of their heart anymore?  *sigh*

    (Even the stupid free ipod/tv links you see posted everywhere are intended to benefit only the person who posted the link.  Now if that person made the effort to help the people under him/her obtain their completed referrals, perhaps the response would be better.  <--I know...cheap shot to the free ipod/tv fanatics. hehe )