September 1, 2004
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How to deal with Telemarketers...
How do you deal with telemarketers? I'm sure everyone remembers the following Seinfeld bit:
Telemarketer: Hi. Would you be interested in switching over to TMI Long Distance service?
Seinfeld: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later.
Telemarketer: Uh, sorry, we're not allowed to do that.
Seinfeld: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.
Telemarketer: No.
Seinfeld: Well, now you know how I feel. *click*
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Here are some examples:
Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?
You: The what?
Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?
You: The what?
Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?
You: The what?
Telemarketer: Hi, I'm calling on behalf of bullshit magazine services, can we have a moment of you time?
You: The what?
Telemarketer: Nevermind...[click]
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Telemarketer: Hello, this is Time Warner cable...blah, blah, blah,
You: (pulls phone away from mouth) GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE, FAGGOT!
You: (screaming in high pitched voice while holding phone behind back) NO DADDY!! NO!
You: (to telemarketer) Hold on a fuckin second. I need to discipline my kid.
You: (walk away and bash some shit while screaming like a child in pain)
You: hello? hello? *dial tone*
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*make sure you have a cap gun handy*
Telemarketer: Hello, this is .......calling on behalf of blah blah .......
You: *whispering* Wait a sec.......... oh shit, they found out where I live! Fuck, fuck, fuck! *fires off cap gun a few times*
Then drop the phone on the floor and make noise in the background for the extra effect.
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Telemarketer: Hi, we would like to interest you in ...
You: ok, before you start I want you to listen to something **hang up phone**
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Telemarketer: Hi, we would like to interest you in ...
You: could you hold on a second?
Telemarketer: Sure,
**put phone down and go back to what you were doing**
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**pick up the phone without saying anything**
Telemarketer: uhhh hello?
You: **start breathing heavily, or if you are eating chew into the phone--wait until they hang up first**
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Telemarketer: Hi, we would like to interest you in ...
You: **Belch or fart as loud as you can into the phone--hang up**
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Telemarketer: Hi! blah blah blah
You: WAIT! Hold on sec....can you hear that?
Telemarketer: Excuse me sir?
You: SHHH! Listen!
*wait till it gets reeeeeeally quiet*
You (at the top of your lungs): PUT ME ON YOUR DO NOT CALL LIST!!
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Telemarketer trying to offer a credit card:
You: Can I make illegal purchases with it?
Telemarketer: Umm...no.
You: Can I buy large amounts of drugs with it?
Telemarketer: Ummm.....no?
You: Can I use it to pay for prostitutes?
Telemarketer: Ummmmmmmm...
You: Well then that card is just no good.
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So do you guys have any funny responses to telemarketers?
Comments (37)
i hate telemarketers.....somehow, my WORK phone number (a private work number, nonetheless) got onto these lists as a small business. so i get calls from telemarketers all the time at work trying to find out who the business owner is. and i have to bitch them out.
but apparently, the person who called you cant put you on their do-not-call list. you have to call a separate number for that. idiots.
lOl... thanx i needed that =D
i read an article on this before..
for those who have children.. since they looove to talk.. have the lil children talk to them.
telemarketer: hello, blah blah
me: (loudly) HERRO!GOLDENPANDA RESTORRAN! WAT YOU WANNA ODA!?
telemarketer: ....
me: (louder) HERRROOO!!! ODA NOW!! HERRRROOO!!
hahaha.. the one with "the what?" reminds me of dave chapelle's lil jon skit.
i realized that being nice to the person usually is the best way to get them off the phone. there are too many people that give them shit about calling, that if youre the slightest bit nice, they appreciate it... its not like they WANT to solicite you... its their job... they have mouths to feed.
totally agreed with cgroovin. after all they are trying to make an honest living. buy a caller id, sign up for donotcall or even do not sign up those free offers online.
PLUS, knowing some of telemarkerters calling you from behind bars makes me be extra nice - i dont wanna be jamaal's bitch when he gets out of jail!!!
i just tell them to take me off the list and hang up on them. i give them no time for any rebuttals.
When they call try to sell THEM something
hahaha ... funny shit!
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i like "no spicka engrish!" *click*
"would you rike pick up oh dewivery?!"
i see you've been practicing a lot, huh?
or you can just sign up on donotcall.gov
i just hangup.
lol...hilarious... actually i just take advantage of them calling by getting an attitude to vent out all my personal frustrations.
LOL!!!!
i used to just bitch them out.....
my methods in dealing with them.
"sorry i'm not interested." *click*
or if i'm really bored i'll go asking if they like their job. telling them of the different opportunities that they have and give them the number to the local strip joint.
hhahahah too funny! When I Was 16 I was a floor supervisor for a telemarketing firm. We got shit like that all the time. lmao Only reason I became super b/c i was there the longest. Everyone quit b/c of all the BS. I stayed b/c i thought it was funny to call and bug people. (i was 16 at the time) Anyways. HA! HA!
lol
i used to politely decline their offer and hang up but now, i just hang up as soon as i hear them say, "hello, this is blah blah blah" *click* no hello, no i'm sorry, no i'm busy. just hang up. it saves MY valuable time.
those are too funnie, i wish i had the balls to do something creative!! i just say, "i don't need it... no, i don't need.... no you can't offer me what i already have...." until they give up...so boring......but yeah that seinfeld episode was the best!!
pretty good
So how do you deal with phone calls from the city public schools about how your daughter Shawanda has been truant for the past week. I get at least 3 call from CPS a week about my "daughter". Maybe it's because I've locked her into my basement. oh well.
you can always talk in the third person... or to a inatiment object...
hahahaha those telemarketers only call and look for me with my chinese name, so whenever i heard they say "hello, is Sxxxx Chxxxxx there please?" i always answer "NO" and *click* never have to deal with them! hehehe
I ask them what they're wearing, and they get scared. Random props.
umm.. you hang up? why waste my breath.
omg... that's freaking hilarious ^_^
haha. the first one is one of my favorites. telemarketers are so much fun to mess with. i've always wanted to try mocking everything they say. xD maybe that would work?
i caught you on featured, btw. congratulations!
have a great day. <3
x0x Ariel.
HAHA That's hott! When they ask for my mom, I tell them I'll brb then when I come back I'm like "O, I forgot...I killed her about a week ago and she's in the attic....sorry"...They usually go away after that.
~ThatKid~
hahah funny every time
we have a talking caller ID (read: we're extremely lazy people) and don't pick up unknown calls. but on occasion my bro and I do and we answer: "City morgue." they usually hang up after that.
ahya very long logg!!
x] caught you on a featured.
Interesting blog. Haha. I usually use the:
Telem.: Hello? May we please speak to . . .
Me: MARIA?!?! IS THAT YOU!??! OMG MARIA ITS BEEN SO LONG. HOW ARE YOU COPING WITH THAT VAGINAL DISEASE?!?
-utter silence-
bitch.
lol i just hang up on them...haha
iight pr0p back =D
i say "my daddy's not home!". they don't want to speak with a minor....kekek
Well, the idea of the referrals is to refer new pple...I already have a account. if I complete all my referrals I will only need to sign up myself to get the tv or the comp...If i sign up for ur account. that means I will have to sign up again under my account to get the computer or tv once i have all my referrals...I am unwilling to sign up twice. sorry.
I hope u understand what i'm saying. It just wouldn't make sense for me to sign up twice.
-Linda
that's AWESOME