August 12, 2004

• Relationships (Breakups) - The Bell Curve of Bullshit

  
  

  "I just wanna be friends."  "It's not you, it's me."

  
  

  I'm sure we've all heard those phrases before or have even said them ourselves when breaking up from a relationship.  But how often do we REALLY say what we mean?  Whether your intention is to sugarcoat things to spare someone's feelings or to simply relieve yourself of any guilt for being a dick/bitch, what you say to someone at the time of breaking up often amounts to one thing:  BULLSHIT.

  
  

  Here is an illustration of a typical relationship:

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  In the beginning, you basically put up a facade in an attempt to portray yourself in a manner you think would be most desirable to the person you're courting.  They say to "just be yourself" but does anyone really?

  
  

  During the relationship, you are no longer trying to impress the other person.  Your true self reveals itself as you get to know each other and sometimes it's the total opposite of how you initially portrayed yourself.  Guys can turn out to be overly possessive control freaks.  Girls can turn out to be clingy, insecure psychos. 

  
  

  At the end of the relationship, you've decided that things aren't going to work out.  What was the basis of that conclusion?  Did you really WORK at the relationship and put in the EFFORT to make things work? 

  
  

  OR...did you naively think that if the person was the right one for you, that everything would magically fall into place and everything would just click?

  
  

  Whatever the case, you've decided it's time the relationship ended and you have to think of a way to break things off.  More often than not, the method of choice usually entails feeding bullshit.

  
  

  Would you tell the other person that you're really breaking up with them because you're a shallow bastard and that you found some physical flaw in them that you can't seem to overlook? 

  
  

  Would you tell them that you're really breaking up with them because the "thrill of the chase" is gone and you want a new challenge? 

  
  

  Would you tell them that you're really breaking up with them because their financial/career status doesn't impress you and you don't think they can provide for you in the future?

  
  

  Of course not...the last thing you want to do is reveal negative qualities about yourself that might ruin your chances in the future with other people should word get out.  So what do you do?  You concoct some bullshit to try and end things amicably...in a lame attempt to spare the other person's feelings and to cover up your own guilt/shortcomings.

  
  

  1) What are some of the reasons why you broke up with someone and was what you said to them the truth? 

  
  

  2) What are some of the reasons someone gave you when they broke up with you and do you think it was bullshit?

  
  

  For me, an ex-gf of mine broke up with me telling me that she wanted to rekindle her relationship with God and that being in a relationship would interfere with that.  How could I say anything in response to that??  A month later, I happened to see her at a club smoking and drinking.  I just went up to her, told her "getting back together with God huh?" and walked away.

  
  

  _________________________________________________

  
  

  Personally, I think most relationships that don't work out fail because:

  
  

  (A) People simply aren't ready for one.  You may think you're ready but in reality you're just lonely and want companionship.  You're really not ready to put another person before yourself and make sacrifices and compromises to make them happy.  Claiming to be "commitment-phobic" is nothing more than a socially acceptable way of saying "I lose interest too quickly - whether because I'm a player or a slut" If you're only thinking about yourself, you're going to end up by yourself.

  
  

  (B) People aren't honest with themselves or the other person.  By trying to always portray yourself in a positive light, you fail to see and acknowledge your own shortcomings and do nothing to correct them.  When things don't work out with someone, you might say to yourself that they weren't the "right person".  This suggests that the fault lay in the other person and not yourself. 

  
  

  That's not to say that the other person was flawless (maybe they weren't honest with you either) but can you honestly say that you lived up to your part in the relationship? 

  • 10:24 am
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