August 11, 2004
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Dominant v. Passive
Would you say you have a dominant or passive personality? When you're in a relationship, are you the one adapting to the other person or are you the one expecting the other person to do so?
I've noticed that some guys who seek very attractive females can't stand the attention that the girl receives. Kinda ironic if you ask me...if you go for an average looking girl, you have this idea in your head that you could do better so you don't quite give it your all and just bide the time until something better comes along. But if you actually manage to get an attractive girl, your insecurity and jealousy consume you. Be careful what you wish for I suppose...
Possible solutions?
1) Isolate the girl from all social contact with other guys and in doing so, giving up your own social life too.
2) Make her hang out with just your friends and have your friends become her friends. She pretty much gives up any friends she had previously while you get to have your cake and eat it too.
3) Look for and exploit any insecurities you can find in her and brainwash her into thinking you're the world to her.
4) Look for a girl with no real friends.
When you're in a relationship, whose friends do you and your bf/gf hang out with more? Ideally, you might want to try and combine the two groups of friends and have them intermingle but realistically speaking, that rarely ever happens.
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EDIT: In case you were wondering, I consider myself to have somewhat of a dominant personality in general but if I care about someone I'm more passive and receptive to their feelings. As far as friends go, in the past my ex-gfs have always hung out with my friends but with my current gf, I think I've made more effort to hang out with her friends as well. What's interesting is that since we've been dating for some time now, we spend more time with each other than either of our group of friends. I guess as you get older, going out every weekend to maintain an active social life isn't as important (unless you want it to be).
Comments (48)
i used to be the girl who hung out with her bf's friends....but now that i'm in a serious relationship (and by serious, i mean, getting married one day), we hang out with each other's friends equally. we all get along, but i never hang out with his friends without him and vice versa. i think its important to have your "own" friends, but also hang out with them too. does that make sense?
what the fuck kind of fucked up solutions are those? haha
i think its more common that the gf becomes friends with her bf's friends and hangs out with them more than the guy hanging out with his gf and her friends. but it just gets messy if they date for a long time and it doesnt work out.
its all about finding a balance and what not.
i think it all depends on what your personality is when you hang out with your significant other...u know.....
As for passive and aggressive...i agree with sue..need a balance of both...
i think girls seems to hang out with their bf's friends more cuz i just think dat girl is a better social butterfly than guys so itz easiler for others to become friend with the girl then the guy, does dat make sense??
I chose number 3
but the girls with no real friends are the ones who'd become clingy and suffocating. i think.
ulgy chicks give great head. haha just kidding.
no they don't
lol. nigel. your whole second paragraph also reders to girls who seek that.
it has to be give and take...if the girl's dominant, the guy's "too whipped"....if the guy's dominant, the chick's too subserviant..
guys who seek out hot gals should be secure enough with themselves where they won't be bothered by the attention she attracts...and the relationship should be based on trust, where he'd trust her not to do anything with the extra attention she's receiving...
ahh, I'm too idealistic I suppose.
good topic.
yknow... i think it becomes even more difficult when the other person is alot older. cos then he won't want to hang out with your friends....
if he's like 28/29 he's not gonna want to hang around with 22/23 year olds.
in my case, because of that age gap, i've always ended up hanging out with his friends. even if my friends are a bit older than i, i dunno...
but now i think about it, girls tend to be more social than guys... so it would be easier for the girl to just hang out with the guy's friends than vice versa.
ideally, there should be a balance where both hang out with each other's friends equally.
im pretty dominant and aggressive but i can be a chameleon at times. i can never be in a relationship tho where the guy is 51% dominant and im 49% dominant. it has to be at least 50/50...or i can jus be the dominant one and let him think he is when we both reallie kno he's whipped. im mean like that.
i have no problem befriending his friends tho. thats what usually happens. girls have it easier. guys have a harder time becoming friends wid the girls' guy and girl friends. tahts wat i think...the girl's girlfirneds would judge the guy more than the guy's guy friends would judge the girl. i def think that's tru.
well which one are you in your relationship?
BRAINWASH??? hahah! she can be the next manchurian candidate...people and their dumb power trips...u kno someones really jaded when they think too much bout having power in a relationship....no ones answering ur real question...my answer is: back when i was younger i was a lot more adaptive..love was given a lot freer....these days people arent as adaptive. im still adaptive now, but my bf should have an open mind too. give n take. the fairest motto of all!
most of my relationships have been pretty equal. i think it's important that the bf/gf get along with each other's friends.
my current bf isn't close with my gfs because of the communication problem...so now, i guess it's more that i'm in a situation where i'm the gf that hangs out with HIS friends (when i'm actually physically w/ my bf that is)
hmmm. i need to be the dominant one, always. wait, is that why i'm still single? hahahha. shut up.
all your solutions are pretty f'd up...if you were my boyfriend and tried to isolate me etc...you'd find yourself with out a girl. if you want her to be happy, none of those solutions sound very good.
hey can i borrow this for my xanga jus cuz i been thinking aobut these issues for quite some time...neways i think i do get passive at times but its like my being wont stand for it cuz cuz i start getting really antsy and then it all comes out in messed up ways; historically i would become more and more dominant as the relationshp progresses. i would avoid all that heartache and miscommunication if i was more dominant from the start i guesh. iono...my boys friends and i have nothing in common really and they're really cliquey and i hate cliques so there u go, a major setback.
our friends are one in the same, b/c we were friends first. so i guess i never had this ridiculous problem.
also the age difference in my relationship...there is a 9 yr age gap...so obviously not much in common there lols in terms of friends. wid him i can bridge the gap cuz he wants to be on teh same level as me. but thats cuz we're involved.
girls usually have no friends. so it's easy.
"I consider myself to have somewhat of a dominant personality in general but if I care about someone I'm more passive and receptive to their feelings."... are you shitting me on this one bro... HAHAHA... I'm just fucking with you.
BTW, I totally feel you on the whole "I guess as you get older, going out every weekend to maintain an active social life isn't as important" issue. Damn, I'm just not getting old... I AM OLD.. =) B
i consider myself to have a dominant personality...however when it comes to a person i like, i find myself compromising a lot...a lil too easy-going. those 4 options of course are NOT realistic or rarely happen. generally what i see more often in relationships is that the girl ends up being friends with her bf's friends, than the other way around. why is that? i mean...it seems bf's become completely unapproachable when it comes to being introduced to his gf's friends.
i saw it with liz.
i'm i'm the dominant one. and i let him think he's in control....cuz guys like that....but in actuality he's still my puppet....i say when, i say who....!!
and then i hit the snooze button....
Eh, everyone has a balance of both traits, but I tend to go w/ what Ralph Trevant would say: "Any good relationship starts inside of a happy man." Dominant or passive, as long as dood is happy & secure than I don't see why things shouldn't work regardless of who he's w/, unless he's a closet homo.
there's a flaw with solution number 2. if the girl hangs out with the guy's friends too much... eventually (since the girl is very attractive), one of the guys might secretly start to like her and they might have an affair. fucked up on the guy and girl's part, but hey, it happens. kind of like the story of king arthur, lancelot, and guinevere.
yeah...i remember you wrote about money. hehehe...i wanted to write about gmat scores cuz these two people just keep hiding their scores from me. but i'm already done with the whole process so i couldnt care less!! i was just curious but they act like i'm going to use that informtion against them or something....eesh!!
is that so. want some koh mul on you??
I think in my current relationship it's pretty equal though sometimes I feel a little more passive. We usually spend more time together too but will alternate between time with his friends and my friends.
bitch.
sit behind me on nitro and you'll see the effects immediately.
Dave, u have the most intriguing entries..i'm always amazed by it! haha yeah...u seem like the dominant one...i think i am too but i want the guy to be more dominant..does it make sense???
for nostril emission, not a rear-view. cuz there ain't to rear to view.
props
i tend to avoid girls that don't have any friends - and there are so many of them. it says a lot about em ya know? wouldn't you think a guy with no friends was weird? i guess it's more "acceptable" for a girl not to have any friends.
anyway..... i would say that i am a pretty aggressive/dominant person in general. but my fiance and i complement each other very well because we care about each others happiness not about bring right or wrong or having more "power" in the relationship. when you're always thinking about the other person's happiness, it puts a lot of things into perspective.
as far as hanging out with his or her friends.... i think it's just easier for a girl to be among many guys (you and your friends) than vice versa.
*propz* hit me bak wif sum
Uno-Korinne
its all about compromise. doesnt matter as long as i can get laid in the end
i don't know if you're the dominant personality......
haha thanks for the link. damn wish i wasn't so passive. i'm sick of being nice but i can't be mean.
There's a problem with number 2. If she really pretty and spending lotz of time with your friendz she'll end up with one of your friendz instead of you?
weird solutions hon. 1. don't think that would happen 2. read other comments 3. that's just messed up 4. if a person doesn't have friends, it just says something about that person.
i think my personality is aggressive/dominant type. but in relationship, its more give and take. with some things u may be more dominant and some i may be. we have a nice balance.
Wow... I just puked all over my keyboard after reading Ji's comment... *barf*.. =) B
what's hot? that's i'm dominant AND single? hahahha. it's all about s&m baby~ ew, jk.
oh and Ji, u're making me want to stab myself in the throat right now.. so stop it. =Þ
sounds like you found a match.
xoxoxo,
Darling Niki
♠♥♦♣
Nice xanga come by and check me out!!!!!! Subscribe to!!!
i think i have a dominant personality. previous bf always consulted me for every decision. i also made the plans, initiated action, etc. it was draining in the long run. he was more like a 'yes man' rather than an independent entity to me. guess that's why i broke up with him.
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