July 28, 2004
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The Effect of Having Siblings?
Do you think that growing up with or without a sibling has an effect on your personality later on?
The following are just some observations I've made regarding siblings from Korean families:
- If the siblings are male, the relationship tends to be quite distant. You don't really have heart to heart talks or discuss any personal issues.
- If the older sibling is male and the younger sibling is female, the same as above applies.
- If the siblings are female, the relationship tends to be pretty close. You share a certain connection to each other and feel open about discussing personal issues.
- If the older sibling is female and the younger sibling is male, the relationship tends to be close too. Perhaps it's the whole nurturing aspect that causes it. Females have an inherent motherly quality while males have an inherent need to be taken care of.
I've heard that if you're an older sibling, you learn sacrifice and "yang bohae" ing (korean word for conceding?) to the younger sibling. If you have no siblings, you tend to be more self-centered since you've never had to sacrifice for someone else and you've always been the center of attention.
Supposedly, if you're a guy and you have an older female sibling, your personal relationships with females will be better because you've been exposed to that female psyche already. If you don't have a close relationship with your sibling, it might indicate potential problems in future personal relationships (I've seen it have both effects).
1) Do you have any siblings? If so, what is the age/gender situation like?
2) Are you close to your sibling?
3) Do you see any qualities in your personality that reflect that relationship or lack thereof?
Comments (44)
i have a younger sister. we're pretty close.
i have an older bro. 4 years apart... not close, but we still watch out for each other. i dont know about your third question tho. i dont see a resemblence... but its difficult to assess that from a first person perspective.
I don't know about these theories bro. I have an older brother and a younger sister who I'm super close with. We tell each other everything... and rely on each other for support.
As much as they are my siblings, they are also my friends... so I make little distinction between, near, far, many, and few.
As far as qualities in myself, stemming therefore from... well, since I would be a poor judge of character to myself, then you tell me.. =) B
if I had an older sister I think I would've turned out to be a little bitch...... I see that in a lot of ppl that have older sisters.. they are very sensitive to the littlest shit and somewhat a drama queen..
very true..i have younger sis 22, younger bro 18.. closer to my sis since we're closer in age and i act like a mother with my bro..
interesting post! let's see...
1. my sibling structure is thus: my older brother, then me (female, 14 months younger), then my sister (6 years younger than me), and then my younger brother (2 years younger than her).
2. i'm closer to my sister now that we're older. my brothers and i aren't really that close but i used to look out for him even though he's older than me b/c the age difference isn't that great. my brothers are close to each other in that they enjoy playing the same video and computer games but they don't really discuss personal life issues (b/c of the age difference probably).
3. i'm definitely more responsible than my other siblings.. but i'm not sure about anything else.
all your observations are totally right~ esp the yang-bo part and whatnot...
im 25, roxan is 23, and we have a younger brother josh.
roxan and i are really close, josh and i are semi-close. roxan and josh hate each other.
hmmmm not too sure about the personalities... ill have to give it some thought...
i have a brother who is two years younger than me. and we are very very very close. he's like my best friend...we tell each other almost everything..
i don't agree with your post 100%.
i have a younger sister and brother and i'm pretty close to both.
family is the most important thing in this world.
i see you haven't covered the incestuous sibling relationships...particularly homosexual incest
1) yes. 2 younger sisters. we are 4 yrs apart each.
2) very, very close.
3) yes.. being the eldest, i learned maturity and responsibility at a younger age than they did. i also learned alot about self-less giving and affection. but that comes from a variety of factors.. parents, church, our way of life.
i don't think that your relationships with your siblings/families are necessarily based on age or gender.. i think they DO factor into the equation, but there are many other things that effect your relationships in this world (i.e. how/where we were raised, how/where we were taught, our peers/friends and their relationships, schools we went to, areas/people we chill at/with, etc and etc).
siblings, yes yes i hebbit! unnie and nam dongseng. i'm extremely close to both but more my sister b/c we are exactly one year nine days apart. qualities in personality that reflect this?? we're REALLY different personality-wise but really similar in craziness. that's about it. i think that's how it goes for most sisters. and i agree with you totally about the older male and younger female sibling relationship. with some folks it's eery how distant they are and how separate their lives seem to be. in the cases i've seen anyway.
regardless if u get close or not....having a sibling versus being the only child is sooo much better for someone's personality.....
1. two siblings, both younger...bro is 26, sis is 13
2. yup we're all close
3. i'm definitely the most mature and most responsible, duno if that rubs off on them tho...but i do feel my sister is quickly catching up...
u didn't include the younger sister admiring and luving (a little too much) the older brother relationship....i hear it's very common with koreans
i have to deal with that with my bf
my sister, who is just a year older, and i used to fight everyday and hate each other. it's funny that we are living 500 miles apart now but closer than ever.
because i grew up in a traditional korean family, i do understand where you are coming from. however, i personally believe it has little to do w age/gender relatioship.
it's all about family atmosphere and its situation that provides everyone to understand each other. that's why i strongly disagree with interracial, even korean-chinese marriage, because it tends to break the family bond one way or another. forget friends, your family is the only thing you'll have at the end.
I think if I had siblings I'd be nicer.
wow, this whole theory is JUST what i've ALWAYS told ppl.. (maybe i heard from ajummas).
I am in the BEST case: I am the oldest sister of a younger brother (4 years apart). We never went to school together, and we never really FOUGHT as much (i've seen so many BAD cases!). Not only my brother RESPECTS women, but, he thinks highly of them (sometimes that is a problem).
My other theory is that... when the oldest sibbling is a guy and the younger is a girl, the girl, starts liking BOYS at an earlier age (seeing her oppa's friends come over and stuff). But like in my case, my brother started seeing girls in "that" way, later than his friends.
I want to have a girl first, and THEN a boy...
oh! What if you are in the middle???? what kinda personality do you get???
i agree.
i'm an only child and i don't think i'm self centered. it's true that i did get a lot of attention as a child but that didn't make me into a self centered adult. maybe that's because i was the oldest of 12 cousins though. i had to "yang bohae" to my little cousins a lot.
1 older brother, 2 years apart. Were sort of close all throughout except we fought a lot. He bossed me around and I had to listen to him. We got closer in high school since we shared the same school and eventually, friends. Got more maturely tighter in college. I know I wouldn't be the same person if he never existed.
i have 2 lil sisters...opposite of you......we are closer than everybody packed into twilo on pvd nite. i think i have more patience because of them.
I have 2 younger sisters. The younger sister is 1 1/2 years apart from me...and the youngest one is 3 years younger than me......
I think as the oldest, I learned a great deal of literally as you say yang bo haeing....I'm pretty nurturing in a lot of aspects..do anything for my sisters...they are so spoiled by me in lots of ways.....I let a lot of things go...you have to be somewhat patient....
My mom and dad put upon me that I am the oldest and I got blame for all these things my sister did wrong b/c they said I was the oldest and I was to set an example for my little sisters...everything gets blamed on the eldest child.....
Relationships with my sister are a little weird...haha..I'm not close as in a friend aspect to my sisters more like a mom type of an aspect and serious issues we talk about or what not.....
You learn to develop patience when you are the eldest as well.....
4 kids total in my family... we entail the characteristic stereotypical traits of our respective birth order - it's so weird. I'm the middle child along w/ my kid sis & we're both screwed-up in the head.
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only child doesnt always mean they are self-centered.... I have a friend that is the only child and she loves taking care of other ppl. She's always looking out for others and I guess it's cuz she has no sibling to share that bond with.
As for me, I have a younger sister (4 years apart) btw, khrystal and I are in similar situation... and we're best friends too... hahaha anyhoo, although we never went to elementary, jr high and high school together, we end up going to college together... we never really had the bond until I got into college... I never really cared to kick it with her and do stuff together... just one day we had a sister talk and realized we were into same hobbies, fashion, music, same type of boys... and etc. I found out that my sister tried to be like me, and do whatever I did me... I just never took the time to see that. We are pretty close now or at least I try to make up for all those lost time...
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i have a sister that's 3 yrs. older, another sister that's 1 yr. younger and a brother that's 6 yrs. younger. i'm really close to all 3, so i never feel lonely because i know that no matter what i have them. i think i'm more compassionate because of them, but at the same time having siblings promotes this sort of competitiveness in me. i feel like i'm always striving to outdo them. that's typical middle child syndrome, but i've been told that i have only child syndrome too. which is funny since my family is pretty big.
wow! what U said is totally true =). I have one unnie who is 26yr old, and one Oppa who is 25yr old. Since my Unnie is 26yr old and I am the baby of the family she is yang Bohaeing to me =). She is like a second mother to me. My Oppa was adores me and very over protective. The three of us are super close ! Well being so spoiled by them I am sorta a drama queen hehe.
i think it's all about the age number too. because although you guys may be close.. but if there's a tiny little baby with a huge age gap between you guys, personally, i think will make the relationships overall so much better because everyone is taking care of the little one... so the communication thing has to be there for everything to work... =]
only child with a severe case of only child syndrome....wish soo badly i had a sibling....so i think in some ways i'm over affectionate....trying to over compensate for my lack/desire of a siblng....yet i can be "more self-centered since [I've] never had to sacrifice for someone else and [I've] always been the center of attention" ...w/e
interesting posting... I do have two brothers, one older, one younger, and I am closer to my younger brother than my older brother, which does fall in with your observations that older female and younger male siblings tend to have closer relationship.
I enjoyed reading your entries. You are very insightful and coherent in your entries.
i'm sure 99% of poker players play for sole purpose of winning money. I'm not any diff. I couldn't care less if they call me the worst, as long as I go home with the MOST money. Trophy is just a added bonus.
the things that my sister(3yrs older) talks to me are about shoes, clothes, make-up.. you name it! SHOPPING!
i have a younger bro, almost 4 yrs apart, and i love him more than anyone in this world - him and i do almost everything together and really enjoy each other's company. i think it's mostly due to the fact that i raised him and not our parents. your comments on older sis, younger bro relationship are right on. and everyone who knows me says i'm the "mother" of the group - i know it's because i have a lil bro i love taking care of so much.
Interesting...I have an older brother who's 8 yrs older than me, I was kinda afraid of him when I was little. Now that he's married and I'm more close to his kids and he treats me like one of his daughters.
1) i have 1...a sister. She is 4 years and half an hour younger than me. We have the same b-day except it's 4 years apart.
2) Yes im really close to her. I think that having the same b-day had a big impact on us, it's like we're twins...but not. So we act like it, and we have even had ppl ask us if we are "fraternal or identical twins" because we act so much like twins...although we do fight A LOT.
3) i dunno about that question...thats a hard one...
I have a younger brother, who is 2 yr apart. We fight constantly like most siblings do w/remote, who uses the bathroom, and etc...but on occasionally he would come to me for advices and sometimes he thinks he's the oldest, since he's the only male and dad's always at work...so he sometimes tend to be bossy...but i am hehe...and we somewhat have same friends since we went to chinese school together...
I am the one who have the most responsibility and mature. I am the one who does most of the household work ie reading letters, reminding parents to pay bills, translations and stuff.
hey man.. three girls.. one my age.. the other 2 years above us... crzy crzy crzy.. almost as czy as 3 boys.. shall i say anything more? ahah..
1.) older sister 2 years age difference
2.)whoa..lol she hates me & i just dont care...
3.)i tend to be more responsible slightly immature, she, in the other hand is irresponsible very mature, cant take care of herlsef so i have to....but were both stubborn..*its in the flip blood* lol
-kathy
i'm the only child and so is my hubby, but surprsingly we get along really good, (of corse i'm married to him), and sometimes i even treat him like a older brother, we tease each other all the time, itz fun!
I have two younger sisters. I'm pretty close with them, but I really missed hanging out with my younger sis=(. She's married now and it seems like our relationship isn't that close anymore. Why is that?
I'm female and I have a younger brother. He's only a year younger than me, so we relate to each other very well. On a scale from (distant) 1-10 (close), I think we're 8. We don't talk often, but when we do, it's about significant things. We talk about how our parents aren't happy, our relationships, etc. I definitely think I sacrifice more for the family than he does, but that's also a gender bias. Females in Asian families seem to do the majority of the work. I don't have a motherly quality, but my parents usually "assign" me tasks to help my bro, like I'm supposed to help him with his hw. I don't usually do this.. I don't feel that I should be my bro's keeper. I help when I can, but I don't want him to be reliant on others.
i have a younger sister and shes 7 years younger than me ... so i literally get to watch her grow up ... we're very close.
oh, and yangbo is to yield
Siblings:
I have two female siblings, one 3 years older and one 3 years younger. Growing up, I had problems with both. As adults, I love both but still find them to be problems at times, both of course, their faults. You didn't expect me to say it was me, did you? Actually, I love both of my sisters and wish we all lived closer. Living farther away from each other does not do much to keep families strong. We are not a family without personal problems within itself but we are a family that tries to work out any difficulties or misunderstandings. That is how a family should be, I think. Love of family, no matter what, is the underlying factor.
1. Yes, younger brother 20 and younger sis 23..I'm 25.
2. although different, we're very close
3. I've noticed similar observations in most of my Korean peers and in my family. Being the oldest, defitnely made me learn responsibility at a young age. Sometimes, I think it's my duty to yang bo hae/self-less giving/sacrifice....I have to juggle with my own goals with theirs... while my younger siblings don't.
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