July 29, 2004
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Checks and Balances
I'm sure there's been an instance when we've looked at someone else and thought "wow, I wish my life could be like that". It could be a celebrity or even someone you know but that slight feeling of envy is the same. The person may be taller than you, better looking than you, richer than you, or smarter than you and you wish you could share the same qualities. As perfect as someone else's life may seem though, life has this interesting way of keeping things in balance.
When we look at someone else with envy, we often perceive only the good things and fail to see the bad. Why do you think there is such a huge fanbase for celebrities? It's because many of us want to have the lives that they do. Interestingly enough, there is an equal attraction for the dirt and controversy that often surround celebrities. Just look at all the tabloid papers and shows that exist. Why? It's because we feel better to know that their lives aren't as perfect as initially perceived.
Real life is no different. For every good thing we see in someone else's life, there is an equally bad thing we don't see. Someone may be financially well off, but their family life is in turmoil. Someone may seem socially popular and desirable to the opposite sex, but they may lack the interpersonal skills necessary for a healthy relationship.
We often measure own success and accomplishments by comparing ourselves to those around us. This can be a good thing if it helps motivate you to improve your own life but it can also be a bad thing if it causes you to set unrealistic goals and ambitions for yourself. I can admit there have been times when I've looked at my own friends with envy but I later realize that doing so does nothing for me but make me feel malcontent with my own life. I should set my own goals and wants in life and do what I have to in order to pursure them.
A friend of mine said to me the other day that as many girls as Friend X has hooked up with, he's glad that he's not in his shoes. When asked why, he replied, "because Friend X is a dumbass". He said he would rather be smart and ambitious than popular with the girls. I wonder how many guys would agree? After all, guys aren't going out every weekend to parties to find intellectual conversation. But then again, neither are girls.
Just from looking at people I know, I don't think anyone's life is perfect, including mine. For every good quality someone may have, there seems to be a bad. Life's version of "checks and balances".
Perhaps if we all started focusing more on ourselves rather than others, there would be no need to be jealous or to bad mouth others simply to satiate our own insecurities. As usual, it's always easier to give advice than to take it and in this regard it's something I'm working on...
Comments (29)
i somewhat agree with you...that people should focus on themselves...but...hmmm...I dunno...you can use other people as good examples of how much of a better person you can be in that light as well....
I'm envious of everyone yet at the same time I'm envious of no one. There are occassions when I catch myself feeling a brief moment of jealously, but it usually fades rather quickly because I soon come to my senses and realize that I'm rather content with who I am. Yup... nothing like being short, broke, busted, and scrawny... that's right world... envy me (^_~).. =) B
the first time i realized that not everyone's life was perfect and that there was no reason to be jealous.
i was in highschool and there was this girl who i had known since elementary school. i thought she was so pretty, popular, smart, etc etc etc. well, senior year in highschool, she became a cheerleader. i always wanted to be one, but in my texas highschool, 99% of the cheerleaders in the history of that school were white.
anyway, she didnt get nominated homecoming queen, but i still thought she had it all. her parents were very well off, she was still beautiful, she was smart, had a nice car.
then we all heard the news. she tried to kill herself in a seedy motel by downing a whole bottle of tylenol pm and vodka. luckily she was found by the housekeeping maid and made it into the hospital in time to have her stomach pumped, but i will never forget that day when i realized that she wasnt perfect.
its really an eye opener.
grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Amen!
i admit, ive fallen to the grass is greener on the other side disease, but after a little learning, i really have learned to appreciate my current situation.. as blessed & screwed up as it is
good entry bubba.
well said. i don't try to compare my situation with any other people, but just try to make the best of what i have.
i'd have to agree with what you said oppa but i think it's in our human nature to do that. we need comparison because not everyone see clear images of themselves... plus, envying others doesn't always lead to hating and bad mouthing others. sometimes envy will be the motivation on what makes us try harder. people need to hear feedback from themselves and others.....
i guess it all of how you look at it.
good post oppa!
well, if I see one of my friend accomplish something that they want then I will be happy for them than be jealous. I'll be more inspire by their accomplishment that it will motivate me to do better in life. We are not always happy with what we do with our lives but if you try to reconcile, you won't regret it. I wish that this can go vice versa but if it doesn't then i take a break from those people. Sometimes, it's better to be alone and be happy.
yo, i wanna play that aliens vs predator game!
How can you be happy in life, if you're not happy with what you have? Equally, how will anyone believe in you, when you don't believe in yourself? Part of maturing as a person is realizing those things. Looks like you're on your way to bigger and better things, as a person and in life. Everyone has something we would like to have right? But like you said, I'm sure we have something they would like as well. As for the allure of celebrities; I have no idea why people would want to be them, other than for obvious reasons, such as money. They have no privacy.
i dont think its every girl who doesnt know what they want. just like not every guy is that superficial that they wont date the girl of their dreams just cuz she's got slight cankles. =)
i was generalizing. and arent you in a relationship? do you think your gf doesnt know what she wants? cuz i'm in a very healthy long term relationship, and i can tell you right now, that he's all i've ever wanted.
another great read dave!
i agree with you. my sister's always told me that 'God is fair'...and i believe it more and more everyday!
oh and btw..i want jessica simpson's life. lol
THANKS DAVE!!!!!! IMMA GO BACK TO NY IN OCT!!!! SEE YOU THEN~!!!!
i've been loving your posts recently.....insightful...truthful...funnie....
ne wayz....it's amazing how much stuff we don't see in peoples lives yet we make assumptions and generalizations but is that really fair with what little info we have? like a crude ex....some telemarketer gives you shit on the phone....and instantly you think what no-ejumacated prick...but maybe that person had a death in the fam. i don't care though i totally NV gates and the wal-mart people and all their riches. HAHAHA.
well written!
your xanga entries are so thoughtful
i like
keep it up
besides the 'lack of money' issue, i'm very happy with my life. i think celebs are the saddest ppl b/c they are given everything pretty much so everything loses value to them. they just end up wanting more and more with no satisfaction in the end. i'm kinda glad i didn't grow up rich. i can appreciate everything i have now.
"I'm too sexy for my shit...."
rAndOm prOpX
like your stuff...ya got age on most folks...
I think all life is like that positives and negatives. yin/yang if ya will. the more ya realise it....the more relaxed and better off you will be...
Like the celebrity example...They have fame fortune etc....but they cannot go to the grocery store without being bothered.....
People don't realise the simple pleasures that must be forfeited.
love your postings and how it makes a person evaluate their lives =)
Checks and Balances:
There is always room for improvement in our own lives. My life has never stopped being in need of being more forward looking, more appreciative of what I have with an awareness of how bad things are for some and might have been for us without working towards goals. We try in all ways to be and do the above. The only thing in actuality that would make our lives better for ourselves would be a better financial statement. That will probably never happen though we have never spent beyond our means. No fancy house, no fancy cars, in fact, our car is falling apart, no fancy vacations. It just was never financially feasible. We work at being happy with what we have, ignore what we don't have, enjoy the outside world thru movies, the internet and the news and we practice appreciatiion, for each other. That is the only real way to live in my estimation, practicing appreciation for each other, no matter how much you are worth.
even with all the hardship that i've been through, i'm glad i've experienced them. it made me that much stronger. i've learned a great deal from the past. and i'm sure there will be more obstalces to tackle in the future as well. ppl will alway envy to some degree. some more so than others. some to the point where its unhealty. and some to the point where it helps them push themselves.
coherently written.
i have the same mentality, but i can't write like this.
props
wut u said itz soooooo true. sometimes i do wonder if i make a different choice in the past, would my life be any better? but i come to realize that i love my life right now, and i wouldn't change it for anything else. a happy family, caring friends and a perfect husband!
oops, the last comment was left by me, sorry wrong screen name! hehehe
nice entry..
good post.
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