June 9, 2003

• THE RULES OF THE FTF (Friends That F*CK..or Fool around for the young'ins) as written by ME 

  
  

  1. A prerequisite to the FTF is first to establish the nature of your friendship with the other person.  Before you entertain the idea of an FTF, you must have a totally open and honest friendship with the other.  I've found that typically, if you can talk about sex with the opposite sex (in a general sense...NOT sex in reference to the two of you), you can pretty much talk about anything. 

  
  

  2.  Before any physical interaction takes place, you must be absolutely certain that things won't change afterwards.  One of the biggest friendship killers is the act of hooking up without thinking of the consequences.  A lot of times, after two "friends" hook up, both parties look at the other person differently and an awkward situation arises and the friendship is never the same.  This may be due to feelings developing (usually on the part of the girl) or possibly losing respect for that person.  Foreseeing the aftermath of a hook up may be difficult, but that's why Rule #1 is so important.  You have to be open enough to be able to objectively discuss things with the friend before anything happens.

  
  

  3.  There has to be a mutual confidentiality between the two people participating.  Especially among Asian girls, where they feel this social stigma that it's not proper to be sleeping around outside of a relationship, it makes the idea more acceptable to them when they know that their private life won't be the talk of the town.  You'd be surprised at how much more open girls are to the idea of an FTF when they know that it will be kept secret.

  
  

  4.  To further the confidentiality aspect, there can be no boyfriend/girlfriend type interaction in public OR in private. The arrangement is based solely on the physical so keep it that way.  When you interact in a bf/gf manner such as holding hands, cuddling, etc, it only increases the chances that feelings are going to develop and thus, ruin the FTF.

  
  

  5.  As the FTF is based solely on the physical, there is obviously no issue of commitment.  BUT, if you're participating in an FTF and you want to hook up with other people, let your FTF know.  The last thing you want is to unknowingly have an FTF with someone that can compete with McDonalds (1 billion served) and recite the A-Z of venereal diseases from experience.  If you're open about the other people you're hooking up with, then you've put the other person on notice and they can decide whether they want to continue with the FTF.  NOTE:  This has nothing to do with emotions, jealousy or commitment.  Some people who participate in FTF's just feel more comfortable knowing the sexual background of their partner.

  
  

  FAQ (Frequently Asked Question): What happens if one or both people develop feelings?

  
  

  6.  Assuming the above rules have been followed thus far, it means that nothing has changed within the friendship.  You should be just as open and honest with each other before anything even happened.  That being said, the answer to this question is two-fold.  First, if you start developing feelings for the other person, then the other person should be able to pick up on it.  (Being open and honest also means you should be somewhat perceptive.) So if the other person detects that feelings may be developing, they should come out and speak to you about it.  If not, you should take the initiative and speak to the person you're developing feelings for.  If the feelings are one-sided, then it is best to end the FTF right there.  Otherwise, someone is bound to get hurt.  If the feelings are somewhat mutual, then you come to a decision.  Whether to end the FTF or take the FTF to another level and date.

  
  

  DISCLAIMER: The above rules are only a guideline for the FTF and are not set in stone.  Remember, FTF's are NOT for everyone and only a certain combination of people can pull it off.  (For example, A and B may be able to have a successful FTF but B and C may not.)  If you're contemplating a FTF, talk it through with your friend and set your own guidelines and stick to them.  Don't be trigger happy and just jump into it.  Good luck!

  • 6:44 pm
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