August 4, 2005
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Complacency
Would you say you're making progress in this thing we call life? Whether it be in our personal relationships or our jobs/careers, you're either active or passive. I have to admit that for some time now, I've been the latter. I don't think I've been a good friend, a good boyfriend, a good student or employee. People have told me how much potential they see in me, yet I wonder if that potential is long lost and gone now or if it even existed in the first place. Another day, another week, another year...nothing's changed in my life besides my age.
I read and hear about other people's lives on Xanga and in real life, about their new job situations, relationship joys and heartaches, trips to foreign places, or fun activities they participated in over the weekend. My life in constrast seems dull and boring. You may say, "well why don't you get up off your ass and do what everyone else is doing then?" Hmm, I wish it were that easy.
For as long as I can remember, I've been limited by my circumstances. I can't go on trips or vacations because of my job/school. I can't live out on my own because I'm tied down financially to my family. I can't get married or have a family of my own because I simply can't afford to. With that being said, you may still think, "so what? you can still do something about it" Perhaps, but honestly? I'm broken and I'm tired. There was a time when I would do whatever I could to accomplish a goal I set out. Sadly, that little fire that used to motivate me hasn't been lit in a long time.
If effort constantly led to nothing, how long do you think that effort would last?
I've become complacent with life but haven't totally given up on it yet. As much as I want to just scream at the top of my lungs, instead I sit in a solitary haze, quietly holding onto hope. Hope that MY time will come...
For those that are still sticking around in my life, I just want to say thanks.
Comments (34)
seriously, i understand how u're feelin. i dont have to support anyone other than myself like u but there r other similarities. i hope ur time will come too
hahahaha fuinny comment...hows search going?
need to find something to spice things up...
i know i haven't been a good friend/girlfriend/anything b/c of all the "extra" things going on in my life. like you, i have my own family to support. well... close enough. like you, i can't go on trips b/c of the responsibilities i have here. like you, i sit and wonder... "when will my time come??" no matter how much money i make (or don't make) it goes towards a better future for my boys. i don't have the time that it takes to catch up with friends b/c of work/school/boys. but i'm not gonna give up... as much as i want to. why?? i don't know. i just know that i'm not. hopefully things will turn around sooner for you.
what you need to do is stop playing warcraft and come out once in awhile to let people know you're still alive. you don't need alot of money to do that.
just get away for a couple days and think about life....
that usually helps my ass.
i blame WoW on ur complacency. well some of it...
it's not that you don't have the time or energy to do the things you say you want to do, it's that you choose to do something else instead.
you say that you don't have time to spend with your friends or whatnot, but you have plenty of chances to which you turn down.
my complacency comes from my laziness. so for me, I have to fix my laziness first.
^ Hanging out costs money doesn't it lowphat? I didn't say I didn't have the time to hang out, you're right I choose not to.
interesting insight.
i'm glad you havent given up on life.
and remember when contemplating your complacency/unhappiness, never compare it to others, but rather to what you, yourself have set as your own goals.
your life is your own. live it. embrace it. and most importantly, love it... regardless of the circumstances.
For those still sticking around in your life, you want to say "thanks"???... And to think that this whole time I thought you were that unappreciative bastard that came over my place just for the free food... hehehe.
you'd be surprised to see how many people are on the same boat as you are.
it's not even a money issue. yeah it takes money, but if you're that broke.. so does the monthly subscription to wow.
i've been there before.....but i'm finally making some progress little by little....you just have to be really patient......and you're right, never give up hope......
hun, of course your well is empty. so is mine. but His isn't and never will be, u know? Jenny said yesterday that He's so willing and wants to give you the water of Life, yet we choose to drink from our own broken cisterns... me and you both, man. everyone has their own issues and worldly things that try to hold them down..... i guess we need to be brave enuf to really just lay it down at His feet and let Him take care of things. it's scary... but something we need to do in order to relight that fire... whaddya think?
that's been my crisis for the past 3 months. i 've come to realize what you have. i don't know where to go and what to do. i need to get out but financially, i'm tied down to family. i'm freaking out.
Seems like you've got a lot of responsibilities and its admirable that you've decided to sacrifice a lot of your life for your family. Don't give up on that hope,.. but if you always do what you've always done,.. you'll always get what you've always gotten. I don't much bout your circumstances,.. but hope things work out for you.
i love how multiple people have been telling you to stop playing warcrack.
ahh.. the story of my life. the ongoing struggle to support my family, which in turn, makes me feel miserable, guilty and has contributed to me drifting away from them. the more money they ask for, the more i distant myself.
it's so hard not to be angry at the world, isn't it? why do i find myself at a job i hate... oh right, so i can support the parents. i'm scared to go back to school b/c then i can't hold down a cushy job to support them. sigh~ well, i don't have any solutions, but misery loves company... and i'm right there with you.
keep your head up, i still have to smile and be thankful for the good things in my life. i'm healthy, i have a great boyfriend, i have people that care about me that make me smile despite life's hardships.
Right now, you don't have the blinders on. Yes, all this stuff is going on around you, but you aren't looking to see what is at the end of the path you chose for yourself. You know it's worth it, you are just losing sight of it now.
hang it there. everyone goes through something like this once in awhile. try to find joys in little things... like, yes you do have a financial burden that most people your age don't... but at least you HAVE a family... and you're not financially suffering, are you? yes, life may seem routine & boring but you have a pretty gf who stands by you and is willing to share life with you. stop complaining, you lucky bastid. what more do you want? everyone has problems... but that's just life. embrace and learn to be happy with what you have.
youre welcome. ;o)
there was a time that i felt burned out. there's light at the end of the tunnel. one day your hard work will pay off.
i wish you can see the light at the end of the tunnel through your efforts. that would at least give you some motivation. i know you're stressed and have a lot on your plate, but everyone does have their own issues. i truely believe in that you can't wait for your time to come, but you have to create your own time. being complacent isn't going to get anyone anywhere. you'll be stagnant in the situation that you're in.
i know you can pull through this.
join the club buddy! join the club... ehhhhh..xanga is to read people's highlights...i'm sure there everyday situation is also crappy. Maybe your going thru a mid-life crisis and going thru a phase of depression. Life sux when its a catch-22.
*hugs*
man... you took the words out of my mouth....
I like the quote at the top of your site
I've recently felt the same way. Maybe it's my quarter-life crisis. You are just discouraged. And though 'easy said then done' you still need to make yourself make that first step.. and only focus on one thing at a time.. if you dont.. sooner or later.. you'll reach your fifties and realized you've havent accomplished much.. and unable to do much even if you wanted to.. it shall pass.. ^ ^
i think that once you are out of school, you'll be able to afford your own place, and things can go from there. keep your grades up! by the way, your anti-highlight script is rather disturbing towards comment making
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you can still date and think up couple activities that don't involve too much money. btw, there's TONS of people who still get married and have kids even when they can't afford it. they make it work for them. i'm sure you can make it work for you too if you REALLY wanted it.
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