July 20, 2004

• The following is a repost from a past entry of mine...
  

  
  
  
  
  

  THONGS THONGS THONGS!!   These days, more and more women seem to be shedding their regular panties, in favor of the thong.  Being a guy, it’s not a surprise that I love thongs.  Thongs make everyone happy!  They provide a means for women to get rid of that unsightly “panty line” (not really! hehe ) and some visual stimulation for guys.  It’s a win-win situation for everyone!    HOWEVER, there are just some women that have absolutely NO business wearing a thong!  Namely, FAT women!  These days, I’ve been noticing more and more fat women wearing thongs.  How can I tell you ask?  First of all, don’t get me wrong, I don’t go around staring at fat womens’ asses but when the “Twin Moons of Endor” are staring right at you, you can’t avoid eye contact.  With their fat asses stretching and testing the strength of the stitching and fabric on their pants, what they’re wearing underneath is clearly visible to the poor naked eye. (X_X)   Now someone tell me WHAT in the world would compel a FAT woman to wear a THONG?!  To avoid “panty lines”??  Uhh...sorry miss, but I don’t think anyone would voluntarily want to stare at your ass of global proportions!     Here’s a little tip for women: If your ass cheeks are large enough to have their own zip codes, wearing a thong should be the LAST thing you should do.  Why you ask?  It’s pretty logical if you ask me.  A thong would only create a “wedge” between your ass cheeks, making your ass look actually bigger (if that’s even possible). (See Diagram Below) (Note: Excuse the crude diagram but it's the best I could do with stupid MS Paint. hehe All rights to the diagram are reserved by me )   What you SHOULD do, is forget the ludicrous idea of wearing a thong and opt for the more sensible choice of wearing a regular panty.  Better yet, the bigger the panty the better.  If the extra large “GRANNY PANTIES” don’t fit, go get yourself a parachute, cut two HUGE holes in it for those Sequoia trees you call legs, and tie that sucker around your Jabba the Hutt belly!  As you can see by the diagram above, the panty is actually BENEFICIAL to you.  The “contracting effect” would HOPEFULLY make your ass look micrometers smaller.  Now isn’t that what we all want?   So let’s do everyone a favor FAT women, and let your thongs be used for what they were actually made for...SUPERSIZED SLINGSHOTS!   In case some of you BEHEMOTHS reading this are unfortunate to have A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) as well, and couldn’t make it past the first paragraph because you were distracted by the sound of the ice cream truck driving by, here’s my lesson in a nutshell:     DISCLAIMER:  Before I get a stampede of BUFFALO coming after my ass, please understand that this entry was written to be funny and I don’t have anything personal against FAT people.  Actually, yeah I do.  I understand that genetics plays a role in people’s metabolisms and subsequent weight, but when I see overly obese people (400lbs+), I’m sorry but I don’t believe that genetics was the ONLY factor involved!  Everyone gains weight here and there, especially as you get older, BUT don’t tell me that you didn’t realize that maybe you should put that box of Ho-Ho’s down the first time you got stuck in a doorway.

  • 10:38 am
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