May 1, 2003

  • I managed to intercept this AIM convo between DaWall and Temptress78 depicting a sorry attempt at cyber-sex. hehe


    DaWall: Hello, Temptress. What do you look like?

    Temptress78: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

    DaWall: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

    Temptress78: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

    DaWall: OK

    Temptress78: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

    DaWall: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

    Temptress78: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

    DaWall: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

    Temptress78: I'm moaning softly.

    DaWall: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

    Temptress78: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

    DaWall: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

    Temptress78: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

    DaWall: I'll pay for it.

    Temptress78: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

    DaWall: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

    Temptress78: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

    DaWall: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

    Temptress78: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

    DaWall: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

    Temptress78: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

    DaWall: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

    Temptress78: What?

    DaWall: I'm so sorry. Really.

    Temptress78: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

    DaWall: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

    Temptress78: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

    DaWall: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

    Temptress78: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

    DaWall: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

    Temptress78: What's the matter?

    DaWall: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

    Temptress78: Are you OK?

    DaWall: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

    Temptress78: Can I help?

    DaWall: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

    Temptress78: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

    DaWall: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

    Temptress78: Come back to me, lover.

    DaWall: I'm washing the cup now.

    Temptress78: I'm on the bed aching for you.

    DaWall: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

    Temptress78: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

    DaWall: I found it.

    Temptress78: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

    DaWall: Me too.

    Temptress78: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

    DaWall: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. 

    Temptress78: Why don't you take off your glasses?

    DaWall: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

    Temptress78: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

    DaWall: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

    Temptress78: Hurry back, lover.

    DaWall: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

    Temptress78: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

    DaWall: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

    Temptress78: What's the matter now?

    DaWall: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

    Temptress78: Mmm, yes. Come on.

    DaWall: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

    Temptress78: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

    DaWall: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

    Temptress78: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!

    DaWall: I'm flaccid.

    Temptress78: What?

    DaWall: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

    Temptress78: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

    DaWall: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

    Temptress78: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

    DaWall: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

    Temptress78: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

    DaWall: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

    Temptress78: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

    DaWall: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

    <Temptress78 has logged off>

Comments (8)

  • dave!!!!!!!!!  i never had that conversation people!!!!!  i'm sure dawall wanted one!!!  i'm gonna kill u when i come back!

  • i posted this on my web too...hahaha

  • hahaha...too bad!!!  but i'll link ur site to ur name!

  • damn dave!  where did u get this!!!!  I'm so pissed!  now everyone knows i'm impotent!

  • dave, the other one is funnier.

  • hahahahaha!!!!!..

  • haha ur too funny

  • As per Mike's request, here is the other convo:

    Girl: Hi
    Boy: hello
    Boy: who is this?
    Girl: just a someone?
    Boy: A someone I know?
    Girl: nope
    Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
    Girl: well sorrrrrry
    Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
    Boy: why?
    Girl: nevermind your an asshole
    Boy: Hey wait a minute
    Girl: yes?
    Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
    Girl: paranoid?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: of what?
    Girl: me?
    Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
    Girl: LOL
    Boy: Don't fuckin laugh at me!
    Boy: This shit is serious!
    Girl: What are you hiding from?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: gimme a fuckin break
    Boy: I'm serious.
    Girl: I don't get it
    Boy: The cops are after me.
    Girl: For what?
    Boy: I'm wanted in three states
    Girl: For???
    Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
    Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You are fuckin sick.
    Boy: Send me your picture.
    Girl: why?
    Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
    Girl: One of what?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
    Boy: Then send me your picture.
    Girl: hold on
    Boy: Hurry up.
    Boy: Are you there?
    Boy: **** you, cop!
    Girl: Hey sorry
    Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
    Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
    Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
    Boy: Weren't you!?
    Girl: thats not it
    Boy: Then what?
    Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
    Boy: Most cops aren't
    Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD!
    Boy: Then send me the picture.
    Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
    Boy: Just send it through here.
    Girl: alright *PIC*
    Girl: Did you get it?
    Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
    Girl: That was me back in may
    Girl: I've lost weight since then.
    Boy: I hope so
    Girl: what?!?
    Girl: that hurt my feelings.
    Boy: Did it?
    Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
    Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
    Girl: yes
    Boy: Alright let me find it.
    Girl: kks
    Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
    Girl: this isn't you.
    Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
    Girl: You don't look like that.
    Boy: How the hell do you know?
    Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
    Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
    Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
    Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
    Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
    Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
    Girl: Go **** yourself
    Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
    Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
    Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
    Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
    Girl: you hurt me.
    Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
    Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
    Boy: Why would I do that?
    Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
    Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
    Girl: FUC YOU!!!
    Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
    Girl: You're a ******* asshole.
    Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
    Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
    Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
    Girl: No you aren't
    Boy: You're right. I'm not.
    Boy: HAARRRRR!
    Girl: I'm done with you
    Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
    Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
    Boy: Wait a sec
    Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
    Boy: Wanna start over?
    Girl: No
    Boy: I'll eat your pussy
    Girl: You'll what?
    Boy: You heard me.
    Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
    Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
    Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
    Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
    Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
    Boy: I get excited in different ways.
    Girl: Like what?
    Boy: Do you really wanna know?
    Girl: I don't know
    Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
    Girl: I'm afraid to
    Boy: Why?
    Girl: cause
    Boy: cause why?
    Girl: well lets see
    Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
    Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
    Boy: Nope
    Girl: well its strange to me
    Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
    Girl: I didn't say that
    Boy: So is that a yes?
    Girl: I guess so.
    Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
    Boy: Are you willing?
    Girl: What do you need me to do?
    Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
    Girl: ???
    Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
    Boy: ok?
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You can't be serious
    Boy: Oh yes I am!
    Boy: It's my fantasy.
    Girl: this is retarded
    Boy: Do you want it or not?
    Girl: Yes I want it.
    Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
    Girl: sure
    Boy: Ok. Here we go.
    Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
    Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
    Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
    Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
    Girl: mmmm yeah
    Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
    Girl: Har
    Boy: You gotta do better than that!
    Boy: Your picture was really bad.
    Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
    Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
    Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
    Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
    Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
    Girl: mmmmmm you are good
    Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
    Boy: going limp
    Girl: HARRRRRRR
    Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
    Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
    Boy: going limp
    Girl: this is stupid
    Boy: ...still limp
    Boy: Do it!
    Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
    Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
    Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
    Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
    Girl: WTF?!?!?
    Boy: They stink really bad.
    Girl: OMG STOP!!!
    Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
    Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
    Boy: I ram it up your ass.
    Girl: YOURE A FUCKIN PSYCHO!!
    Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
    Boy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
    Boy: I kick you in the face!
    Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
    Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
    Boy: Your parrot flys away.
    Boy: ...going limp again.
    Boy: Hello?
    Boy: Say it!
    Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

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