June 7, 2005


  • Life's too short...


    I know..it's been ages since I last posted.  Contrary to what many may think, it wasn't because I was holed up in my room playing Warcraft.  Well, ok maybe that's part of the reason.  But honestly, the main reason was that Xanga simply bores me now.  People write about what they did on the weekend (another party?), fill in stupid surveys that no one reads, discuss dating and relationship advice which when it comes down to it means absolutely nothing. 


    As most of you know, my brother got married not too long ago.  What you may not know is that my dad, who I haven't seen in almost 10 years, came for the wedding.  For reasons I don't feel like going into, my dad had been living in Korea for the good part of my adult life.  Although I've spoken to him on the phone occasionally, to see him in person after such a long time was surreal to say the least. 


    One night, a few days before he was scheduled to leave, he came into my room to talk to me.  He broke down crying and apologized for not being there all those years.  He thanked me for not cracking under the pressure and burden of having to support the family in his absence. 


    My response to him? I told him that there was nothing for him to be sorry for and that I understood the pain and loneliness he must have felt being apart from his family.  Even though he wasn't physically there for the past 10 years, I told him the reason I've been able to make it this far was because how he raised me when I was little and that I held no ill will towards him.


    A week or so later, we received a phone call from Korea saying that my dad collapsed walking on the street.  It turns out that he had a bloot clot in his brain and was suffering from dizzy spells.  Thankfully, it wasn't serious and he's currently under treatment.


    You don't really realize how short life is until you're faced with someone's mortality.  I have friends who have already lost one of their parents and another friend whose mother is sick.  I can't imagine the pain they've felt but just the thought of losing one of my parents is unbearable. 


    If any of you have a relative or friend you're not on good terms with, I'd like for you to ask yourself, "is it worth it??"  I know this is cliche, but if you have something to say, say it while there is still someone there to listen...

Comments (49)

  • did you cry too? i bet you did.............i would've too bro.

  • i'm sorry to hear that...but very glad that it's not too serious....i hope your dad becomes well and continues to fill the chapters of your life. 

  • things like this really put things into perspective.  i need to face something too and i'm still building up the courage.  hopefully, it wont be too late

  • i'm glad u got to talk to ur father ...

  • i'm facing something similar......maybe i should go through with it......

  • Whoa.

    Damn good post. 2004 was a crazy year for me. My mom had heart surgery in August which literally came out of nowhere. From diagnosis to surgery was like 3 weeks. And then in December, I lost my uncle to cancer after a year long battle.

    I still kick myself for not visiting him more often considering he lived 15 minutes away.

    I'm glad that you got to speak to your Dad.

  • Amen.

  • unfortunate circumstances, hope things go well.  i'm glad you had an opportunity to make amends.  :o )

  • i had a similar situation. almost. but mine passed away a few weeks before the wedding.

  • i'm so sorry to hear that about your father. it's so heartbreaking for me to see that our parents aren't as invincible as we thought when we were kids. in my xanga entry today, i actually mentioned how as a child, i'd always wish when i'd throw pennies into fountains that my parents would live forever... sigh.

    it's not worth losing out on having relationships with people you love over things like money (this being one of the biggest things i think). it's so hard to see that until it's too late...

    thanks for a meaningful post! good to see you're still around.

  •      It's definitely cliche.  However, once you are in that situation, there is a reason that things like this become cliche.  You realize that they are so common, so prevalent, that they can't do anything BUT become cliche.

         I'm glad that your father is ok, and I will keep him in my thoughts.  It's good that you had a taste of this, only because you will cherish those things important to you even more, while you still have plenty of time to do it.

  • my prayers are with you...

  • oh REAL MATURE, buddy! :rolleyes:

  • but i love you too

  • good post...xanga has definitely slowed down...sigh

  • you going to go?

  • god ur still alive?

  • You don't xanga at work I take it. Kills the boring days. Yup Fmily is everything...they will stick with ya when no one else will.

    I have never played warcraft but this cracked me up http://www.big-boys.com/articles/leeroy.html . Figure it would be shit me or one of my buddies would do. Like the end where Leroy goes, at least I ain't chicken. Showed a buddy at work and he got mad, but he plays the game...just cracks me up.

  • yeah..i hear you.......so are we ever going to see you again?

  • took the words right out of my mouth. Like most kids, I have a love/hate relationship with my parents at times. Some days I think of the worse things and some days i can deal.. most of the time I struggle with resentment which I try to let go. I went to a funeral today.. and watching their kids cry and feel guilty from harboring so much anger.. thinking now, it was just petty anger. Then I'm quick to think... this could happen to my parents at any time. I should try to cherish everything I have with them. In fact, I consider myself lucky sometimes because at least they were there for me (more than I wanted) nagging and criticing my every decisions.

    I was so intrigued with your last post on racism...like a dayam soap opera I was glued. I don't know if your over the whole thing. But, have you ever read Racialization in America by Yehudi Webster? I had Y.Webster for a couple of classes very interesting and contoversial. I would tell you what its all about..but its pretty detailed and complicated. I certainly look at "race" in a totally different light.

    Man your dope!

  • i think a lot of people can relate to your entry.  glad you got a chance to speak with your father and he is doing well.  some people may still feel resentment after all they've been through but you are one strong and selfless guy.. thank you for your entry...

  • that was a very brave and mature response... you're lucky, and father's day right around the corner too... unfortunately my outcome wasn't the same :(
    wish u all the best!!

  • armin? who dat? haha. jk. nah, no avb for me. the last time i hit one of "those" parties was sander k at crobar on january 1, 2005. i will be doing old people stuff, like housewarming party and dinners....

    are you going? are you going to pvd at the park? the only thing i plan to def check out this summer are the ps1 parties. i love them, and it's in queens!~ http://www.ps1.org

  • first of all, i'm glad to see that you're alive and secondly, i'm glad to hear that you and your father made are keeping in touch. it's so unfortunate that things like this have to happen to put everything into perspective for us. i think we all take life for granted and we really don't know what we have until it's gone. glad to hear that your dad will be ok tho

  • so sorry to hear that..but i'm glad that u got to talk to ur father...and it's never too late to face the problems!! hang in ther brother...i'll be praying for ur papa...

  • i'm sorry to hear about your father.  i'm glad to hear it wasn't serious!  it's weird how things turn out the way they do right?  was it a miracle or a mere coincidence that you and your father were able to speak from the heart and in some way find closure before this happened..... i think of all my fears and phobias the thing I dread most is the day i lose my parents....

  • my relationship with my dad is similar - he moved to korea when i was 8 and i haven't had any meaningful contact with him since (occasional phone calls, two visits to korea). i wish i had a better relationship with him but i dont even know where to start at this stage in my life. i almost feel like its "too late." anyway, i saw your comment on chrizzly's site and you MUST go see armin. he was great. the music was awesome and all of us had a fun time.

  • Armin is great... I like him more and more each year, as he gets harder and not as fluffy. I actually like him more than Tiesto now, although Tiesto's latest ISOS is pretty awesome. Check out AVB's latest State of Trance 2005 mix... good stuff.

    Btw, your entry hit pretty deep for me, since I feel myself becoming more estranged from my father, who is also in Korea for extended periods of time for reasons I too dont' want to go into.

  • sniff sniff this post hits home.  you're a great writer. 

  • you want to go now huh? well, i'm down to go if you want to go but i'm not dying to go anymore. hahaha

  • well, if you're not even sure you want to go then what does it matter if i'm not sure?

  • well, that's why i said if you want to go, i'll go. BITCH.

  • wish all the best to you and your family.  i hope your father's health condition gets better.

  • the swerve party is on sat.

  • you going to the gym tonight?

  • i didnt see you at the gym last night.

  • so you going to armin?

  • when i was younger, my grandfather died from a blood clot too. glad you two reconciled

  • i know how it feels, my mom got sick and that broke me down...hope your dad gets better :)

  • Amen brotha, a wise advice indeed.

    Yes, xanga sucks now as well.

  • http://hightechpa.net/Vids/JDM_TICircuit_Japan.wmv

  • you know the 14th avenue exit on the cross island?  You see a lumber store on the corner.  You go straight along the cross island side street south (towards LI) and it will be immediately on your left (oh i'd say .2 miles off the exit).  If you see Verdi (the big green italian restaurant) you went to far.  It's on the corner. 

  • shut the hell up, bitch!

  • u and choiiii and lowfat and company should make a xanga called THEPHATFARM.  i already told him this.  i promise to be your pimp and biggest fan.  ever.  ever. 

  • can u like....update

  • true, the main dj does come on around 2am, but i don't go to "those" places anymore. only these friggin bars for people's bdays... anyway! the code: summer. use at the website

  • numb nut. the too personal ones werent answered even on protected. what r u whining for?

  • oppa ur entry really got me thinking.. =)

  • hey thanks for ur comment.  i'm surprise people are actually really reading my long entries... yeah, i have to put up visual stimulations so they get bored.  =P

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