September 28, 2004

  • Family Ties


    How strong is your loyalty to your family?  Does it overshadow your own personal desires or goals?


    As I'm getting older, I'm definitely thinking more about the future...not just my own but that of the entire family.  Right now, my dad is living in Korea and so is my youngest brother.  My other brother and I live at home with our mom, basically sharing the burden of supporting the family.  However, my brother is engaged now and he'll be married within a few months. 


    When I look ahead at how the family structure and situation is going to change, I'm left with the following questions:



    • How will I cover my brother's share of the rent once he's gone?

    • Who will provide for my mom when I'm married as well?

    • Will my mom end up living alone down the line or will she live with me or one of my brothers?

    • Will my dad ever come back to live in the states?  Or will he end up dying a lonely old man back in Korea?  (It's been 8 years since I've seen my dad and I can't imagine what it must be like for him to be separated from his family for so long.)

    • If my dad does come back, will he just end up being another financial burden on the family?

    Several of my friends know about my current situation and although I've been told to start thinking about myself more and detach myself from my family obligations, I can't.  You see, the way I look at it, my parents (particularly my mom) went through a lot to try and raise me and my brothers.  Before I graduated college and started working, my mother had no one to help her financially.  Seeing her come home every night tired and exhausted after working long hours at a nail salon killed me.  I would much rather work myself and struggle than to subject her to anymore than she already has.  That is why I can't turn my back on her and the family now.


    Also, just like I'm getting older, so are my parents.  Although I haven't seen my dad in a long time, from what my youngest brother in Korea tells me, "he looks OLD".  Although my circumstances may give rise to frustrations and sometimes anger towards my parents, the thought of them not being around anymore scares me.   


    When I look at other people my age, I see them all living pretty independent lives and I admit I envy them at times.  If I didn't have my family obligations to worry about, I'd be able to live in a place of my own in the city, I could pay my way through lawschool instead of taking out loans.  *sigh*  It's amazing how much impact money (or lack thereof) can have on one's life.  I just pray that everything works out in the end...

Comments (33)

  • i wouldn't worry dude. you're gonna be a rich ass lawyer and i'm going to ask to move in with you!

  • FYI, i do not plan on abandoning my responsibilities to the family (as much as i'd like to) once i'm married.  The other day, mom actually told me and na we should live in the whitestone house after we get married.  i think she's pretty much set on us living in my room now but i don't see eye to eye with her on that issue.

  • I can relate...its just under different circumstances...and I have a good 20+ years left..

  • simple solution:  make as much money as possible.  youre already on your way there with the law... youre fortunate enough (fortunate isnt the word, because im sure you worked your ass off to get to where you are now) to have the brains and the willpower to make that kind of dough soon.  but i totally feel you on the familial obligations... sometimes, i feel a bit bitter towards my family with the somewhat similar situation we are in, but i know that thats all i got, and you gotta play the cards that are dealt to you... no sense in moping around.  nahmean?

    good luck with everything.

  • Family ties are strong in my family.  My sisters and I might not be close, but when push comes to shove, we are always there for each other no matter what we have to do to get there.  Ya know?  I feel your pain but the upside is that once you are through this all, there is always that light at the end of the tunnel...presently it might be bad, but trust me, later on you'll look bad and look at this as something in life that you learned a great deal....

  • hang in there bro ... i'm sure you're burdened by the stress of having to support your family, especially being the oldest ... it's not easy being the oldest son in a korean household ... i'm sure your financial worries will go away when you finish law school and get a kick ass job!

  • the force is strong in your family.....your father has it, you have it and your sister has it.......oops.

    don't ever let your family go dude, it's the most important thing in this world.

  • you know what i noticed....you *sigh* alot....bitch. hahah

  • Doing the right thing is never easy bro. Your doing the right thing, chin up.  Many props....

  • you sound like a wonderful son.

  • i have family there.

  • wow..although different situation..i can totally relate..yes, money and family responsibilities have a huge impact in one's life. although my friends tell me to start thinking about myself more and detach myself from family obligations... i can't..or maybe i don't really want to. yeah, it's hard..but i don't see it as a choice for me. i see it as my responsibility. so instead of dwelling on such negative thoughts or comparison, i've accepted life isn't fair and i  just try try to live life to the fullest with the circumstances i am in. then hopefully i won't have regrets..as in desires ..i'll always have it..just have to balance everything i guess...hehe..

  • ive been wondering the same things lately.  In regards to money stuff at home, in the upcoming months...as im getting completely settled in...the financial burden will soon get MUCH lighter.  Initially, i only planned on staying out here for a few months...a year at most but given our situation and my lack of contribution when i was back in ny.....it seems like ill be out here for a while cuz atleast when im here, ill be making money....probably a LOT more than i would ever be able to make there and i can contribute money(which seems to be the only measure of contribution and a person for that matter, these days). Your plans arent the only ones that changed because of family stuff.....but its alright i think.  You may have lost a lot of faith, but mine has never been stronger.  I think if we didnt have a purpose for living, we'd be dead.

  • you're a good son :) i'm sure everything will work out.. and you'll be alot more blessed later on bc of this..

  • you're doing the right thing.

  • i hate the fact that my parents have to work so hard to take care of my family as well...i can't wait for that day when they could just stay home and rest. but i am thankful that i have both parents who are healthy enough to work as well. i could never leave my family either.....they're way too important to me. things will definitely turn out to be better as time goes on.......be strong....=)

  • you're doing the right thing. being there for your family when they need you most is what any loyal child would do for their family.

    why is your dad in korea though? would your mother ever think about moving to korea to live with your father?

  • dont worry so much...  everything will turn out fine =D

  •      You know I am not one for brevity, but I have my reasons in this case.

         I just wanted to say, you are doing the right thing (which really is quite admirable).

  • that sucks....BUT...always keep in perspective what you do have.  it's always easy to see what other people have and what you might not have...look at what other people dont have and what you do have.  as cliche as it...it can always be worse.  dont let this make you a bitter person

  • they do sound like the same topic. haha

  • wow, i'm really impressed.  not that many people are strong enough to take on such responsibility.  BEST of luck...future rich ass lawyer!! :)

  • don't worry man.. once you graduate law school, you'll be bling blinging in a huge house with a phat car... and most of us will still be living paycheck to paycheck in our rental apartments.

  • wow that's a heavy burden for you to carry but it's commendable that you're trying to help out your family instead of just abandoning them the way some would.  Good luck with everything.

  • what you do for your family,... there's nothing that compares. they won't be here forever. I know... and it kills me every day that i can't do more for my mom or brother. i would never want to be one of those people who grow up and away from family. it only shows you've grown by being there for them the way you are for them. 

  • You sound like a great person-- stick with your family, believe in yourself, and you'll be sure to get where you want to be-- i wish i knew how to help you out, but all i think i could do is wish you the best of luck in obtaining your dreams and ill pray for you... take care! i salute you sir, its really cool what you are doing for your family... hang in there-ciao!

  • i figured it be useless for me to leave a message that has anything to do with the situation you're in cause it seems like everyone already did. so i'm here to say, BOO! :)  wishing you the best. 

  • yea..i worry alot about my family too..whether ill be able to send my lil brother to seminary school, will my parents be financially comfortable when they retire, blah blah...stress

  • after you get a law job, every problem will be gone..

  • I hope you find the answers to your questions.  At any rate, good things come to good people.  And you seem like a good person.

  • People should envy you for having such a compassionate heart for your family. Unfortunately, not everyone will sacrifice and assume the familial responsibilities that you have. 

  • i know wut u mean, like me... after i got married but i still invite my mom to live with us, cuz i can't see her living all by herself when my dad is all alone in hong kong also. i feel really bad for him, lost his business and living all by himself without any family, too bad my parents dun get along anymore, so i send him money, not much but definitely helps, dat seems like the only way i can repay him for all those years that he spoiled me and raised me with all he had *sigh* i really wish my parents can get along so i can have my dad to come here too.
    u should be proud of yourself dat you are actually worry bout your family, some ppl are so selfish dat they just can't wait to get away from their family, shame on those ppl!!

  • hey yo =) random props ;D can u join this "sweetest heart breaker" blogring? => http://www.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=566125 danks its just 4 fun holla bak at meeh 1

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